A blog from my friend faith... She doesn't know that I will copy her blog and post it here... I hope she wont mind.
Reading her blog felt like an eye opener for me...
Faith, everyday your in my prayers.
needed or not, Me and you friends will always be with you!!!
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My world is gone..while she carried on..without me..
Few things in this world hurt, like a broken heart. It's the blow that you never saw coming: a long-time friend turns their back on you. But, nothing hurts most when someone you love rejects you. Somebody you've let into the deepest, most private corners of your heart says or does something to hurt you where you're most vulnerable.
I have witnessed myriads of hopefuls falling in and out of love and it is rather disturbing because it questions my faith for love. We had been careless. .for the thoughts, decisions and actions that we made during our stay in the relationship. Things that we now regret and blame ourselves for having committed resulting to the loss of love of the other person..
I can be a tough creature. Attack my health, and I can recover. Attack my job or finances, and I can find a way to pull through. Attack my pride and I grow thicker skin.But wound my heart, and you leave me devastated...
Painful as it is, the broken heart is here to stay. It's part of being human, and it's a sometimes bitter reminder of how important our relationships are to us. Our need to connect with other people is hardwired into us. And that's the heart of the problem--we're forming relationships with people, who sometimes make mistakes, act cruelly, or just go away.
The loss of this relationship that I had has been incredibly hard - I felt so much pain. It's not only the grief of losing someone who has been very important in my life, but the pain of seeing my hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. This is the hardest part - having to totally readjust my view of how I saw my life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, I can't see into the future and it's scary.
I feel like starting over - I lost everything that was important to me and I'm not sure what to do anymore. It's hard for me to imagine life without her - our lives have been so intertwined.
I find myself questioning who I can trust, including my own judgment since I may not have expected the break-up. I'm wondering if I were wrong to have trusted my partner. I begin to question how real our relationship was because if it was real how could it be over?
I am experiencing an identity crisis. Not knowing who I am any more without her. Not necessarily because I didn't have my own identity while in the relationship, but because the relationship had become part of that identity.I want to understand my mistakes but also realize that I am not a failure.
I tried to bury and ignore these emotional pain hoping it will soon pass.. but it thwarted my mind even more..The hurt and guilt shook me immensely to my very core..I lost balance and composure..and so I decided to end it all..I tried to kill myself.
I thought taking my own life would permanently help me get away from the heart wrenching pain that I was suffering from..But unfortunately,I lived and guess what..more pain ahead..
When I got out from the hospital,I immediately went to During's(a nearby restaurant from where she lives)to see her.I waited..for several hours..hoping that she would give me a last chance to talk to her or at least just see her for the last time..but she refused.
Again..I was shattered..
She texted me and said that we don't need to talk nor see each other anymore..that there was no sense.She totally wanted me out of her life and forgotten..that I was the biggest mistake she has ever committed..
It was then on my way home that I realized...I may have lived and survived my suicide attempt..but, everything inside of me died that night when she left me..
My world is gone..while she carried on..without me..
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Very well said... Let it all out... You will feel better soon :)
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