Love...

After 5 days of no work... I finally got to do the things that I'm longing to do... 5 days of thinking 5 days of soul searching... and I finally arrived to where I wanted to be...

I read a story about a man who has a common problem... the setting of the story is in a seminar... and it goes a little something like this.

Man "I don't love my wife and I wanted to leave her, what should  do?"

Commentator "then Loved her"

Man "that's the problem... I don't"

Commentator "then Loved her"

Man "I loved her before but now its gone"

Commentator "love her again"

Commentator ... the love that I was talking about is the LOVE the verb, the action ... not the emotion... this action is the only thing that we have control of. the feeling will follow if you acted on it.

taken from the "7 habits of highly effective people"

I remembered before... I wanted to fall in love I have been playing this role ever since I was 12. I even created an imaginary friend to fall in loved with. I am acting on impulses that time... my reason I wanted to be ready for love... and I have fallen in love... once,twice, and the list goes on forever... and sadly I have also fallen out of love... because of the things that I didn't prepared myself of.

I've been thinking... after years of preparations, I am preparing for LOVE the verb and not the LOVE the feelings... I had some failed relationships, I even got a marriage proposal but it was all based on LOVE the VERB. I wasn't ready for the feeling yet... I was denying the fact that I was not prepared for it... in my mind I was ready, thinking that my heart will follow eventually. But who am I kidding...

After years of preparation, I couldn't accept the fact that I am not ready. The cooking lessons with my grandmother, the stressed that I have exerted during homeroom, the movies... ahh the endless movie marathon of Sharon,Regine,Maricel,Dina etc., the outfits that I have been thinking of since the day I knew I wanted to fall in love... the outfit for a perfect date,for church,and for other events that I as preparing for. After all he drama of my life... after all the trials... It struck me.

Love the feeling is a way of accepting the flaws in the plan... it will be there... it will get there. No matter how late it arrives... Love will get there!!!

I really don't have any plan of blogging during my vacation... I can do this on my rest days but during these long nights and hot summer days of thinking... I had a chance to watch "sex and the city... the movie" and it was a breath of fresh air... In the movie Carrie organized her dream wedding... a wedding in the library,a gown custom made for her, a fancy pictorial, with her friends besides her. with all the attention focused on her she forgot to keep "Mr big" n the loop. A fatal flaw in the plan. After all the preparation it all ends up to nothing. They have LOVE the verb and LOVE the feeling in them...then, what went wrong?

the balance is ruined, for me this is their fatal error... Love the verb overpowers the love the feeling, No matter how prepared we came for the battle its the execution that counts. Big wanted Carrie to have what she wanted... to have her dreams fulfilled, Carrie wanted to have a wedding of her dreams forgetting one thing, she wants Big more than the ceremony. I know majority already knows what happened after this so lets just keep it this way just to reiterate my point.

After all this... what did I learned from my soul searching days... hmm I have always wondered what LOVE the feeling feels... maybe I am feeling it right now, who knows maybe YOU know better than me? but what I feel is not the mind boggling question anymore... my biggest question right now is "how can I acknowledge the feelings I have right now to balance it with what I have been preparing for" I have dreamed of a perfect honeymoon not thinking that I might not have the wedding of my dreams... I already have a theme for my wedding but in reality can I have it? I have a perfect groom to spend the rest of my life with... but can my fragile body keep up with time?

Questions that I failed to answer during the days of my search... maybe those questions are meant to be unanswered... why? Because nobody can prepare for Love the feeling anymore... its unpredictable... it makes us do things that we aren't ready for... it makes us say things that were not supposed to say at all...

Love the feeling produces moments that will last forever Love the verb makes us aware that there is love out there... Waiting... in the darkest part of our lives... waiting for you to find it... waiting to be explored.

Me and my Honey has been living in for months now... and still counting... we are staying in my parents house for obvious reasons... we cant live in the province coz we work here in manila. with in those months of living together... My wondering finally stops... I have based my decisions with LOVE the feelings and its as if my mind decided to stop... No more thinking Mon, my friends used to say... and I told them... "no time to think... but plenty of time to feel" I acted on the one thing that I wasn't prepared of... and it keeps me alive... and its new to me.

after all those years of wondering,preparing... I wonder, have I wasted all those years? If I just acted on my feelings before will I ever experience heartache,will sorrow be a known feeling? ahh this time I have an answer... and its just as simple as this:

what happened in the past makes me who I am right now... all the sorrow and the tears that fled my eyes are worth it... If I didn't cried, I wouldn't be happy right now... If I didn't prepared for love, I would be clueless of what love is all about... "it is better to lack preparation than to not prepare at all, over preparation is not an option it will make you search for something perfect but unreal.

Mon found love in the most unusual time... Hoping that you will find yours soon!!!

Mon a pessimist turned optimist...