Who am I?

I’ve been asking this question since I was 5, and I’m of age now and the answer still confuses me. I hate to be melodramatic but this is a question I find it hard to answer.

 

I could answer this simply by giving my name… or describing a few things that like. Answer it with a lie that I can easily portray… but I know myself a lie would go on for months and my fragile mind might actually believe it.

 

Today I would like to ponder on and really answer the question as truthfully as possible… be direct to the point… as blunt as possible.

 

My name is R.K. I was born with that name… and I worked hard to grow out of it… I liked it but I felt it was a little too teenager like for me… after my first job I created an adult name for me… after that they all called me Mon. During my R.K. years, I tasted the bitter sweet taste of our so called life. That’s the time where in I envisioned things imagined me 20 years from then. I travelled each road that I was able to pass on… a road well traveled. During the last stages of the name R.K. I felt I needed to grow… hence I changed it to a mature name Mon.

 

My Mon-days, I often called then my awakening period. The period where in I get to do things I imagined before… be more creative than usual. The days where I get to reap what I have sowed. Some may call it my lucky years - but this part I haven’t discovered yet – and for some they may call it my maturity period.

 

I can’t deny it; I have grown accustomed to things that I was not supposed to get used to. Smoking as an example keeps my MON-days occupied. Although I enjoyed every minute of this MON-days… I still wish I can go back to my R.K. years.

 

I used to be spontaneous and fun… but now I enjoy peace and quiet. To some it means I’m getting older but I still think of it as getting wiser (defensive… yeah) and better. This blog is long overdue… I try to delay it for as long as I can so I couldn’t think so much about it. As the years goes by… as I ask myself the dreaded question “WHO am I?” I always wonder… What really happened?

 

What happened is that I keep on asking the wrong questions… and now I know that all these years the question should have been… “What I want myself to become” I realized that our life should not define the person who we are today… it’s just a check list of the things we have done to make our dreams come true. I was always a dreamer… I dreamed as much as I dreamed before – maybe more detailed now – but a dream is still a dream and I decided that I will keep on dreaming not until I have accomplished that dream… but until I can dream no more.

 

So, Who I am… I am just the person I want to be when I grow up. A person who lived and survived the so called “good fight”