HATE
WHY do we need to feel it? WHY do we often feel it? AND WHY cant we avoid it?
I was listening to some music after our gathering at Rockwell... it was light a few beers... few small talks... updates galore... I wished i just went out with Dorothy ayen and abi at metro bar
DEC 29
looking at old pictures... after uploading a couple at a friends account... I began to wonder? Do I hate him?.... I was referring to the person who i was once a part of before... never mind the name I already mentioned him in my previous blogs and I just wanted to stop.
Maybe hate is a strong word.... maybe inappropriate at some point... but my question is DO I HATE HIM?
SIMPLE how can you hate a person whom you loved and cherished before.... looking back a my life... I was never accustomed to this kind of feeling...
Back to my question... DO I HATE HIM... ilang beses ko na tinanong and all my answers are same.... MAYBE I do hate him for the things that transpired between us or maybe I hate myself for letting him and allowing him to do it to me... Either way... I still have this feeling called hate inside... I wanted to stop... be numb.... but then again... HATE becomes HURT every time I AVOID it.
REALIZATION:
before publishing this blog I browsed some of my ex's site... It felt good... After checking out their profiles... reading every blog,every comment,every updates in facebook,multiply and myspace... I realized that none of them will come closer to where you are right now... none... NOW I KNOW... Hurt doesn't come after hate.... its the other way around... I was HURTING... before HATE ARRIVES.
CONCLUSION:
it all started when Abi asked me if you greeted me for Christmas... Well i answered her truthfully... YOU DIDN'T. maybe I was hoping for it deep inside my heart.... maybe i was expecting you to do it... BUT YOU NEVER did...
Funny I felt it when the holidays are almost over... kung di pa kakamustahin ni abi I will never remember it... Trigger lang siguro yun but deep inside I was banking on you to do the first move....
But maybe since you've forgotten about it or hesitant to do it.... happy holidays Mr. Andaya... three months in a row... you've beaten your own record honey... its been three months already when i started feeling HATE in replacement of HURT....
THY SAY LOVE HURTS.... BUT I SAID WHEN IT HURTS... WE LEARN TO HATE !!!
DISCLOSURE:
Don't get me wrong honey... everything is not all about you!!! look around you... learn fast... everything seemed to be in a fast forward mode.... sooner or later... SOMEDAY love will find its way... EMOTIONS are just emotions easy to toy with... MAYBE I can fool myself this time....
THE ANSWER LIES NOT IN YOUR HANDS... IT LIES WITHIN ME... I WILL BE DESTINED TO BE WHO I AM... WHETHER IM WITH YOU OR WITH SOMEONE ELSE... LIFE I KIND. I CONSIDERED MY LIFE AS A HALF-FULL GLASS OF WATER WITH YOU I FEEL COMPLETE WITH OUT YOU... ITS THE SAME... MY WORLD EVOLVES NOT AROUND YOU... BUT I AM THE
I cant take it any longer...
At this point of this blog... (if ever you will read this) nakausap na kita sa phone... im ok na ....
Thank you Mark for the beer... di na ako sanay uminom ha... till next time now I can sleep and dream about me.
TIMe STARTED: 11:54 pm / Dec 29 Time FINISHED: 1:16 am / Dec 30... WHOAAAA....
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