I'll die to be 20...

I'll die to be 20...

In about a day... I will be a year older... Than today and 8 yrs older than any 20 yr old out there. LOL do the math and you'll figure it out. I'm not trying to hide my age I just don't talk about it that much, I guess that's the reason why I always forgot how old I am LOL. It's true the more I avoid answering that question the more I forgot about the answer.

What's with age that most people tend to forget it...? What's with it that only a few was able to accept... What's with age...? Oh the more I figure it out the more I get frustrated about it. I always joke around the date of my birthday I use to tell everybody that it's April 1 but come April I always tell them the date hahaha...

To be honest it's not vanity that makes me hate that day... It's something deeper, deeper than being vain. Every year I go on vacation on that day... To reflect to plan and to blog hahaha I try to remember the things that I have done and should’ve done before that day and plan the upcoming days and months after that day.

Last year it was different I tried to celebrate it... The first time I answered all the greetings the first time I tried not to avoid the inevitable and the first time my team gets to surprise me on that day... They know how I hate that day... I feel that on that day everyone is patronizing me... And I don't like the feeling.

Don't get me wrong ok... I celebrate my birthday but I do it differently... I am a catholic so I go to church and thank God for all the blessings, I cook at home to show my family my appreciation... Well they coped up with my bitching for 20+ years already and that deserves at least a decent home cooked meal LOL. And then I celebrate... How? I close the door and lie down... Coke and cigarettes on top of the table.... And a good DVD waiting to for me. Sometimes I have a massage or a spa day... And sometimes I just go out alone walking around the block and enjoying my day people watching. I do this if I'm home on that day or if I am out of town I still walk and enjoy the scenery's.

 

I was born on that day... The day I made my parents happy (I wish) and since I was born alone, this time when I'm already an adult I want to celebrate it alone.  This is how I view it, not because of vanity or anything else. This is my day and I will spend it the best way I could... Being alone on this day I get to see my life on a third party perspective and this is what I need to keep me sane... That day is my day and that is all I ask for that day to be mine. I only ask for simple things, things that matter to me.

And hence I prayed:

 

God, our Father... I thank you for keeping me safe so I could protect and take care of my love ones, thank you for guiding me and staying with me through all the bad and the good times of my life thank you just being there... There to help me see the right way... There to help me with every decision and every tribulation...May it be infamous or not... There to help me share what I have learned after all the test and trials that I have been through... May it be beneficial or not I became your instrument for others who thought that they don't have options. Thank you very much for giving me strong friends that I could lean on and giving me the strength to hold on when I am being leaned on... Thank you so much for the relationships that you have given me... Whether short-lived or ongoing... You have given me the means to survive and lastly I thank you for guiding me in every single step I take for my survival.

I pray not for my happiness but for the happiness of the people around me... You have given me enough... Enough to keep me happy and I couldn't ask for more. I pray for my family and friends... Please guide them as you have guided me... Love them as you have loved me...

Give us strength to overcome trials that will be brought upon us... Keep us safe from harm and lead us the way to salvation.

My dear God... After all that we've been through... All I could honestly say is THANK YOU VERY MUCH...

Amen.

 

I'll die to be 20 again not because I wanted to be young... I wanted to have more time to learn other things, experience other stuff... I don't wish to become a saint.... For heaven’s sake I'm far too bad for that... I don't want to be a hero because others are far more deserving for that title... I don't want to be anything other than me... I don't want anything else aside from what I have today... But I need more time

It's not the youth that I'm worried about it's the time that passed by and I could’ve done something else...

Thank you very much...

Sent from my iPod